We are living in a time where commitment is becoming less
and less a norm for couples. People are constantly being cheated on and sex is
casual. It is normal for people to fear being exclusive or having permanence in their relationships. I know it is scary to stay committed but I know that most
of us do want what Kim and Kanye West have or Jack and Rebecca on This is Us.
Yet, we let fear and hurt keep us from being in permanent or committed
relationships.
It is
becoming a norm for people to have a consent-based view of exclusivity and permanency.
Exclusivity from a consent-based view is seen as temporary and not lasting. Permanence from this view usually involves one foot in the door and one out the other
because feelings and time changes people.
Yes, it is a huge and life changing
thing to be in a committed relationship to one person. Yes, it takes time and
effort to keep that relationship going. But people think that feelings fade and
that it is the end. But love is more than just the feelings. Love involves
work, time and energy. It doesn’t see someone as an object or someone as just
filling their needs constantly. We are falling in to this ideal world that
commitment is bad and all that will happen to me is I will get hurt. But that
is what love is, taking a risk and being vulnerable. Not tolerant because love
is change and growth.
It is so fascinating how easy it is
to not be in an exclusive or permanent relationship. One could go on Tinder and
find a hook up. People have Bio’s that literally say, “Hookup only.” This is
bad for marriage because if people become casual about sex, dating and
relationships, there will be no marriages. This idea is attacking what is the
most important relationship people will ever have.
We can see the influence today in
the terms people use like, “hooking up, friends with benefits, side piece, and
Facebook official.” These terms influence the way people rate commitment level.
In a study Richman, Webb, Eicher, Adams, & Troutman, (2017) they were able
to determine the commitment level and term together. They found four
over-arching themes emerged from the data they collected. They had specific
attachments of characteristics of sexual behavior. “No commitment, casual
commitment, partial commitment and full commitment” were the levels found.
As we see the levels of commitment
being vary vague, we can see that it will be harder to determine if people will
get married. Especially if the people do not want commitment at all.
Thus, it is important for us to recognize this culture and make a difference by standing for exlusivity and permanence. They are what help people have healthy and strong relationships in marriage.
