Adjustments

This week we talked about marriage proposal, engagement and transitions in marriage. Where I live not very many people talk about these things. Usually people cohabit and don’t really make commitments. Maybe mostly out of not knowing the benefits of marriage but that is not entirely their fault. There are some culture norms of living together and not getting married. I have only been to two weddings my whole life. I also don’t have any close friends that are engaged or married. Thus, it is so different being in an environment where dating, courting, engagement, proposal and marriage is such a thing!

Sometimes I feel like what I am used to is so different. It is a little hard at times to explain to people about what I learn because it is not normal to them. Even with my current relationship and how things are progressing. According to “Mormon” culture we should be engaged and married by December. That does work for some people and but yes not all Mormon people are like that. So, when we learned that the guy is usually committed and proposes to the girl without knowing what her answer would be, was surprising to me. I believe that it is great when the girl is fully surprised, but I also agree that the girl should sincerely consider this huge decision.

She can pray, ponder and even look at the patterns established while they were dating. Since this is a huge decision that affects her and the family it is important that she does all that she can too. A guy submitting by getting down on one knee and putting money in to a ring is a huge step for both. We also talked about how spending a lot of money on a ring is not always the best. Spending more than 2,500 on a ring has a higher risk of the marriage not working out.

Then after the initial yes comes the wedding planning. Some girls have dreamed about their weddings since they were young girls, and some like with me only recently. It is common for people to spend a lot of money on the wedding and rely on the girl’s family to pay for the wedding. Yet, we were advised that as we strive to pay for the wedding for ourselves and plan together as husband and wife the marriage will be lasting. The man and women as they plan together can start establishing the foundation of planning and not spend too much money. Also, the more the people and less money spent the stronger the marriage will be. I believe mostly because the people there at the wedding will be there for them and supportive throughout their lives. This pattern is a great foundation of supportive family/friends, managing money and planning.

When they are finally married they go on to their honeymoon and continue their lives together fully committed. There are new and huge adjustments of the first month of marriage. Some are sharing a bed, bathroom, $tre$$, living, chores, time management and adjustments with children. I would love to talk about all the adjustments, but I will focus on one.

Sharing the bed is huge adjustment. Some people like to sleep in atmospheres like Antarctica or the hot desert. Some people like to sleep in certain types of sheets or even with no blankets. It sounds so exciting to finally sleep by someone and be with them all the time. Some people refer to it as having a sleepover with their best friend. Yet, it is usually harder than what people would think. They must get used to sleeping next to someone, cuddling, not cuddling, space and getting enough rest. I am sure for some it is easier but usually it is quite the adjustment. It is different than sleeping with your sibling.

With these adjustments comes trial and error but also growth. Marriage is a huge commitment but has so many benefits that affect the people and their future family.