Divorce

This week we talked about divorce and remarriage. Which is an interesting topic today. Sometimes people hear these experiences and get scared to marry. We all know someone who is divorced . We can see how that affects them as people and the family. I know that it is challenging to be in a relationship, but divorce does not always have to be the solution. But I can see why people really must do all that they can to prevent divorce and I know that there is help there.

Growing up I could see how divorce affected my friends and family. My parents are still together, and I am so happy that they are. Even through the struggles I can see how them being together keeps our family strong. When I was a senior in high school my grandparents got divorced. It was hard because they were both a part of my life growing up. It did not affect me directly, but times of family gatherings were awkward. Some people in my family resented my grandfather for leaving but I can understand my grandmother not wanting to see him. She told me that she hopes I never have to experience divorce because she spent a lot of her life with him and he just wants to leave. When she told me that I broke inside and knew that was something I never wanted to experience.

States have different rules when it comes to divorce and they try to work with the couple. Sometimes they suggest couple counseling and other ideas to slow down the process. Maybe they sometimes act on impulse and usually people who are divorced regret it. Two years after divorcing up to 70% of Americans say they made a mistake. California was the first state to allow divorces that were not necessarily the three A’s. They were able to have no fault divorce called “irreconcilable differences.” The three A’s are adultery, abuse and alcoholism (drug abuse.) I agree that if your spouse has done any of those three actions then divorce can be brought up. No one deserves to be mistreated in those ways. Marriage is a huge commitment that takes a lot of work and those three actions put a huge barrier between the man and woman. When the relationship is strained that directly affects the children.

Children are at risk to be divorced when their parents have divorced. They also face other challenges as they experience their parents getting a divorce. Young men who grow up without a father are at risk for not finishing school. They usually end up living with one parent or the other and that causes strains on the relationships. There are several stages of divorce. They are emotional, legal, economic, co-parental, and community. These show the different places of the divorce and how they affect the couple and family. I would like to cover all of them, but I will focus on the co-parental one. This involves legal and physical custody. Sometimes the 50/50 parental rights work out and sometimes it doesn’t.

It is especially hard when one of the parents or even both remarry. Children must adjust to the new partner of spouse. Sometimes there is resentment and tension. 62% of these children will during the first 18 years will not live with their original parents. This is where step families, half siblings, remarriage and blended families happen.

Some ideas to help with remarriage and children is that 1. All heavy discipline will be done by birth parent. Just because you married the parent of the children doesn’t mean you have authority. 2. Step parents should be more or less like the fantastic aunt/uncle. These people usually are a support and love them a long the way. 3. Parents council together a lot because it is a different circumstance than before. 4. Be quick to say that you are sorry.

Divorce is tragic and hard on the family. Just remember that it is normal to disagree and have fights. Sometimes people get discouraged because they disagree. It usually takes quite awhile to get used to someone. It takes effort, charity, patience and humor to work things out. We need to continue to adequately examine our pieces instead of just jumping to divorce. Also, if you consider counseling, go to a couple therapist and not an individual. Individual therapist just focuses on the person. A relationship takes two people so that will help them work out their marriage.

Parenting can be great!

This week we talked a lot about parenting. There are many purposes of parenting and ways to be an effective parent. I am not a parent yet but I look forward to it when that day comes. I’m lucky to have had both my mom and dad in my life. They were very authoritative and consistent with that. When I was a teenager, it seemed like they had too many expectations but now I see that their love was always there.

Parenting is different for everyone and with times changing there can be difficulties. But there can also be amazing moments that we can cherish forever.
As human beings we all have needs that need to be meant. When we have these met we will thrive. But before we go into that, I want to add something important. I believe with my recent studies and pondering, one of the best ways to be an effective parent is to love your spouse with all your heart and mind. That relationship will do miracles in families. With that tight bond or connection, they will be able to face anything. The love, resilience, dedication and devotion will affect the children.
So yeah! Just an important reminder before moving on to more parenting stuff. Some tips to keep in mind are consistency, rules, and love. When we have high expectations backed up with love, we can see our children not only survive but also thrive. When we see children that have potential but also with human flaws, we can help them. We can be patient with their faults but guiding and loving to support them.

People, children, all of us need human contact and belonging. People regardless of the way they may put on or show need that love. It can be with words, touch, quality time or different creative ways. Sometimes we can see the mistaken approach when people seek attention in undue ways like whining, crying, anger or outrage. Parents can offer contact freely and then teach their children how to do the same for others. The second need a person needs is power. The mistaken approach for power is trying to control others or rebellion against authority. The parent approach to this is to teach responsibility. Responsibility can be taught when the parents give the child choices and consequences. The responsibility is learned when they respond and their ability to react to the options given. These bounds or options help guide the children. The third need is protection. We all have this sense of needing protection. The child may make the mistake of trying and seek revenge or hurt people. The parent can be assertive but also be forgiving and loving. The fourth is withdrawal. It is okay to withdrawal and to step away from things. The child may try and be avoidant or push away everything. The parent in these certain circumstances can teach the children to take a break and have a mental or even physical health day. It is okay to take a break and get yourself together. The fifth is challenges. It is in our nature to seek a challenge, to become something better or something more. It can be a little risky when a child feels like they need to take leap or do something hazardous. However, the parent can help them build skills or invite them to do something they are good at and find new hobbies. These skills will help them as they engage in good things.

Involve your children. Spend time with them but also don’t be afraid to let them experience life. We can do our part by setting rules and letting them know that if they fall they can get back up and try again. Teach them principles and share experiences.Sometimes discipline or punishment is necessary. However, we have to love them first and then remind them and involve them in their consequences. Be firm but also willing to work.
We can help make a difference in people’s lives. But I believe it starts within the home. We can help make a difference in children’s lives and they can in turn help the community and even nation.