Divorce

This week we talked about divorce and remarriage. Which is an interesting topic today. Sometimes people hear these experiences and get scared to marry. We all know someone who is divorced . We can see how that affects them as people and the family. I know that it is challenging to be in a relationship, but divorce does not always have to be the solution. But I can see why people really must do all that they can to prevent divorce and I know that there is help there.

Growing up I could see how divorce affected my friends and family. My parents are still together, and I am so happy that they are. Even through the struggles I can see how them being together keeps our family strong. When I was a senior in high school my grandparents got divorced. It was hard because they were both a part of my life growing up. It did not affect me directly, but times of family gatherings were awkward. Some people in my family resented my grandfather for leaving but I can understand my grandmother not wanting to see him. She told me that she hopes I never have to experience divorce because she spent a lot of her life with him and he just wants to leave. When she told me that I broke inside and knew that was something I never wanted to experience.

States have different rules when it comes to divorce and they try to work with the couple. Sometimes they suggest couple counseling and other ideas to slow down the process. Maybe they sometimes act on impulse and usually people who are divorced regret it. Two years after divorcing up to 70% of Americans say they made a mistake. California was the first state to allow divorces that were not necessarily the three A’s. They were able to have no fault divorce called “irreconcilable differences.” The three A’s are adultery, abuse and alcoholism (drug abuse.) I agree that if your spouse has done any of those three actions then divorce can be brought up. No one deserves to be mistreated in those ways. Marriage is a huge commitment that takes a lot of work and those three actions put a huge barrier between the man and woman. When the relationship is strained that directly affects the children.

Children are at risk to be divorced when their parents have divorced. They also face other challenges as they experience their parents getting a divorce. Young men who grow up without a father are at risk for not finishing school. They usually end up living with one parent or the other and that causes strains on the relationships. There are several stages of divorce. They are emotional, legal, economic, co-parental, and community. These show the different places of the divorce and how they affect the couple and family. I would like to cover all of them, but I will focus on the co-parental one. This involves legal and physical custody. Sometimes the 50/50 parental rights work out and sometimes it doesn’t.

It is especially hard when one of the parents or even both remarry. Children must adjust to the new partner of spouse. Sometimes there is resentment and tension. 62% of these children will during the first 18 years will not live with their original parents. This is where step families, half siblings, remarriage and blended families happen.

Some ideas to help with remarriage and children is that 1. All heavy discipline will be done by birth parent. Just because you married the parent of the children doesn’t mean you have authority. 2. Step parents should be more or less like the fantastic aunt/uncle. These people usually are a support and love them a long the way. 3. Parents council together a lot because it is a different circumstance than before. 4. Be quick to say that you are sorry.

Divorce is tragic and hard on the family. Just remember that it is normal to disagree and have fights. Sometimes people get discouraged because they disagree. It usually takes quite awhile to get used to someone. It takes effort, charity, patience and humor to work things out. We need to continue to adequately examine our pieces instead of just jumping to divorce. Also, if you consider counseling, go to a couple therapist and not an individual. Individual therapist just focuses on the person. A relationship takes two people so that will help them work out their marriage.