Advocating for commitment and marriage

                We are living in a time where commitment is becoming less and less a norm for couples. People are constantly being cheated on and sex is casual. It is normal for people to fear being exclusive or having permanence in their relationships. I know it is scary to stay committed but I know that most of us do want what Kim and Kanye West have or Jack and Rebecca on This is Us. Yet, we let fear and hurt keep us from being in permanent or committed relationships.

                It is becoming a norm for people to have a consent-based view of exclusivity and permanency. Exclusivity from a consent-based view is seen as temporary and not lasting. Permanence from this view usually involves one foot in the door and one out the other because feelings and time changes people.

Yes, it is a huge and life changing thing to be in a committed relationship to one person. Yes, it takes time and effort to keep that relationship going. But people think that feelings fade and that it is the end. But love is more than just the feelings. Love involves work, time and energy. It doesn’t see someone as an object or someone as just filling their needs constantly. We are falling in to this ideal world that commitment is bad and all that will happen to me is I will get hurt. But that is what love is, taking a risk and being vulnerable. Not tolerant because love is change and growth.

It is so fascinating how easy it is to not be in an exclusive or permanent relationship. One could go on Tinder and find a hook up. People have Bio’s that literally say, “Hookup only.” This is bad for marriage because if people become casual about sex, dating and relationships, there will be no marriages. This idea is attacking what is the most important relationship people will ever have.

We can see the influence today in the terms people use like, “hooking up, friends with benefits, side piece, and Facebook official.” These terms influence the way people rate commitment level. In a study Richman, Webb, Eicher, Adams, & Troutman, (2017) they were able to determine the commitment level and term together. They found four over-arching themes emerged from the data they collected. They had specific attachments of characteristics of sexual behavior. “No commitment, casual commitment, partial commitment and full commitment” were the levels found.

As we see the levels of commitment being vary vague, we can see that it will be harder to determine if people will get married. Especially if the people do not want commitment at all.

Thus, it is important for us to recognize this culture and make a difference by standing for exlusivity and permanence. They are what help people have healthy and strong relationships in marriage.