Divorce

This week we talked about divorce and remarriage. Which is an interesting topic today. Sometimes people hear these experiences and get scared to marry. We all know someone who is divorced . We can see how that affects them as people and the family. I know that it is challenging to be in a relationship, but divorce does not always have to be the solution. But I can see why people really must do all that they can to prevent divorce and I know that there is help there.

Growing up I could see how divorce affected my friends and family. My parents are still together, and I am so happy that they are. Even through the struggles I can see how them being together keeps our family strong. When I was a senior in high school my grandparents got divorced. It was hard because they were both a part of my life growing up. It did not affect me directly, but times of family gatherings were awkward. Some people in my family resented my grandfather for leaving but I can understand my grandmother not wanting to see him. She told me that she hopes I never have to experience divorce because she spent a lot of her life with him and he just wants to leave. When she told me that I broke inside and knew that was something I never wanted to experience.

States have different rules when it comes to divorce and they try to work with the couple. Sometimes they suggest couple counseling and other ideas to slow down the process. Maybe they sometimes act on impulse and usually people who are divorced regret it. Two years after divorcing up to 70% of Americans say they made a mistake. California was the first state to allow divorces that were not necessarily the three A’s. They were able to have no fault divorce called “irreconcilable differences.” The three A’s are adultery, abuse and alcoholism (drug abuse.) I agree that if your spouse has done any of those three actions then divorce can be brought up. No one deserves to be mistreated in those ways. Marriage is a huge commitment that takes a lot of work and those three actions put a huge barrier between the man and woman. When the relationship is strained that directly affects the children.

Children are at risk to be divorced when their parents have divorced. They also face other challenges as they experience their parents getting a divorce. Young men who grow up without a father are at risk for not finishing school. They usually end up living with one parent or the other and that causes strains on the relationships. There are several stages of divorce. They are emotional, legal, economic, co-parental, and community. These show the different places of the divorce and how they affect the couple and family. I would like to cover all of them, but I will focus on the co-parental one. This involves legal and physical custody. Sometimes the 50/50 parental rights work out and sometimes it doesn’t.

It is especially hard when one of the parents or even both remarry. Children must adjust to the new partner of spouse. Sometimes there is resentment and tension. 62% of these children will during the first 18 years will not live with their original parents. This is where step families, half siblings, remarriage and blended families happen.

Some ideas to help with remarriage and children is that 1. All heavy discipline will be done by birth parent. Just because you married the parent of the children doesn’t mean you have authority. 2. Step parents should be more or less like the fantastic aunt/uncle. These people usually are a support and love them a long the way. 3. Parents council together a lot because it is a different circumstance than before. 4. Be quick to say that you are sorry.

Divorce is tragic and hard on the family. Just remember that it is normal to disagree and have fights. Sometimes people get discouraged because they disagree. It usually takes quite awhile to get used to someone. It takes effort, charity, patience and humor to work things out. We need to continue to adequately examine our pieces instead of just jumping to divorce. Also, if you consider counseling, go to a couple therapist and not an individual. Individual therapist just focuses on the person. A relationship takes two people so that will help them work out their marriage.

Parenting can be great!

This week we talked a lot about parenting. There are many purposes of parenting and ways to be an effective parent. I am not a parent yet but I look forward to it when that day comes. I’m lucky to have had both my mom and dad in my life. They were very authoritative and consistent with that. When I was a teenager, it seemed like they had too many expectations but now I see that their love was always there.

Parenting is different for everyone and with times changing there can be difficulties. But there can also be amazing moments that we can cherish forever.
As human beings we all have needs that need to be meant. When we have these met we will thrive. But before we go into that, I want to add something important. I believe with my recent studies and pondering, one of the best ways to be an effective parent is to love your spouse with all your heart and mind. That relationship will do miracles in families. With that tight bond or connection, they will be able to face anything. The love, resilience, dedication and devotion will affect the children.
So yeah! Just an important reminder before moving on to more parenting stuff. Some tips to keep in mind are consistency, rules, and love. When we have high expectations backed up with love, we can see our children not only survive but also thrive. When we see children that have potential but also with human flaws, we can help them. We can be patient with their faults but guiding and loving to support them.

People, children, all of us need human contact and belonging. People regardless of the way they may put on or show need that love. It can be with words, touch, quality time or different creative ways. Sometimes we can see the mistaken approach when people seek attention in undue ways like whining, crying, anger or outrage. Parents can offer contact freely and then teach their children how to do the same for others. The second need a person needs is power. The mistaken approach for power is trying to control others or rebellion against authority. The parent approach to this is to teach responsibility. Responsibility can be taught when the parents give the child choices and consequences. The responsibility is learned when they respond and their ability to react to the options given. These bounds or options help guide the children. The third need is protection. We all have this sense of needing protection. The child may make the mistake of trying and seek revenge or hurt people. The parent can be assertive but also be forgiving and loving. The fourth is withdrawal. It is okay to withdrawal and to step away from things. The child may try and be avoidant or push away everything. The parent in these certain circumstances can teach the children to take a break and have a mental or even physical health day. It is okay to take a break and get yourself together. The fifth is challenges. It is in our nature to seek a challenge, to become something better or something more. It can be a little risky when a child feels like they need to take leap or do something hazardous. However, the parent can help them build skills or invite them to do something they are good at and find new hobbies. These skills will help them as they engage in good things.

Involve your children. Spend time with them but also don’t be afraid to let them experience life. We can do our part by setting rules and letting them know that if they fall they can get back up and try again. Teach them principles and share experiences.Sometimes discipline or punishment is necessary. However, we have to love them first and then remind them and involve them in their consequences. Be firm but also willing to work.
We can help make a difference in people’s lives. But I believe it starts within the home. We can help make a difference in children’s lives and they can in turn help the community and even nation.

Breadwinner

This week we talked about fathers. My father is the most hard working man I know. He is the “breadwinner” and provides for us. We had a family of six growing up. Mom, dad, Lyle, Lyman, Lynsey and I. I remember dad working a lot but he was also home at the end of the day. He has had his job for over 30 years and has worked his way up to his position. He didn’t finish high school but has made a way to provide for our family. I love all that he has and does for us. With his example of hard work and family values, I’ve found a role model for a spouse.
We live in a world where fathers are usually still the breadwinner but it is also common for women now to work. With all of these changes in the economy and life in general we can see how this has an affect on the family. When both parents work and are gone a lot we can see the effects on marriage and children. Maybe the children get caught up in bad habits, or parents have marital problems.
We see in old movies when families lived and worked on a farm they were happy together. That was not only their lifestyle, it was how they made a living. Before the industrial revolution, we could see how common it was for women to clean the home, do laundry , made food and take care of the children. The father would run the farm and children would also tend to the farm. They had work time before play time.
Before we studied and discussed father’s and finances this week I thought about my role in my future family. I want to be able to provide for my family as well and work. Yet when we talked about how two incomes is not always better than one, it opened my mind. Women today might feel meaningless when they are home taking care of children and doing housework. But I’ve realized that one of the most meaningful things a mother can do is teach her children how to love, communicate, feel secure, and more. I loved growing up and coming home and knowing my mom was there.
When a father provides, protects and presided over his family, there will be happiness. The mother also having an equal role can create an atmosphere of great possibilities. This doesn’t mean the father is not involved in house chores or tending the children. He also can do dishes, laundry, play with the children and more.
Sometimes this family ideal sounds so old fashioned or unrealistic. However, these expectations and patterns will help us have a good family life. Of course finances might be tight at times but hard work will pay off. These times can bring the family closer.
For me, it will take a lot of faith and hard work to stay at home. As a woman, I want to get a degree and work. But I also want to be a mother and raise a family. Just recently I have come to realize I don’t have to choose either or. I don’t have to choose education over a family or a career over family. I can have them all as I consider the fact of time. It is great to be educated and get a degree. Heaven forbid anything happen to my future husband but if it happens I can have a degree to help me get a job. It is also great to have knowledge to share with children. I can also work from home or find other ways to make means. But with marriage and family being a priority means greater happiness.

Communication!

 

We live in a world where there are a lot of different types of communication. Sometimes we don’t know what things mean. There may be misunderstanding and hurt feelings. However, don’t people say if you communicate more relationships will improve? That is partly true! When there is effective communication it does help relationships. We all understand differently, so it is important for us to learn people’s communication. Communication is 14% words, 51% nonverbal and 35% tone. We all communicate through social media now. It is faster, easier and connects people from afar. Although it is still important to work on our face to face communication.

In the Native culture, humor is a way that people communicate. We tease each other a lot but do not do it to hurt the people we are teasing. There is also a lot of slang that people are picking up to communicate with each other. For example, “jini,” means “they say.” Which I think is funny because it is like teasing but also portraying something someone said. Humor signifies one’s love for another. It also shows how light hearted the people are. Movies often portray Native people as not being able to understand English and just shouting nonsense or smoke signals. However, we are more than what is in the movies. We talk to each other and show love through different ways.

Another communication type that is typical in Native culture is through facial expressions. We often know when our mother’s or grandmothers are upset with us. We call it the ‘Native glare.’ In that moment we know we are in big trouble and we are going to be punished.

When I thought about these communication types, I realized I have carried them with me. Even the ones that my parents have done. A specific example is being passive. My mom is passive to my dad and gives him the silent treatment too. I have realized that even the silent treatment is a form of communication. It is being silent to someone because they made you upset, sad or angry. This is still showing them the way you feel. You can miscommunicate by not communicating. The person who is receiving the silence may be oblivious or dying inside because you are not telling them.

But with all that I have learned this week is that communication takes work. We can really be kind and thoughtful in lifting others up. Of course, I think we can have fun and tease, but it is important for our communication to be positive. It is empowering for people to hear words of encouragement, love and praise. It is also important to be a good listener in a world where everyone wants to be overpowering. Listening is also important in communication.

We also do our part by clarifying what we really mean. When we realize that sometimes people seem offensive, they are in all honesty just playing defense. People want to be understood. Thus, when we have our eyes wide open and see them as people that can change the way we understand them. We don’t have the right to tell someone they are in the wrong when we don’t know where they are coming from. It is good for us to stand up for what is right, but we can do that in a loving way.

Thus, in our own families we realize communication is important. It helps us see each other from their perspective but also have new one’s in our lives. If you see someone as less threatening it can help you in that relationship. We need to also communicate when we are in a good state. Anger makes 1/3 of the brain shut off. That then makes it harder to communicate. In those moments it is best to breathe and even say “we can discuss this later.” There are many different way and we can learn them as we are open minded and willing to learn. Communication is a fundamental but with other factors can be powerful.

STRESS

As I read the material and studied stress this week, it helped me change my perspective. The word stress itself makes me feel stressed. It also makes me think about what am I stressing about right now? I usually stress about the normal things of money, relationships, school and the future. What I have learned is that it is okay to stress about these things. Stress is good and when used correctly can help us grow. If we lived a careless life with no boundaries, we would not learn. Thus, stress is strain. It is like when a muscle needs strain to be strong. If the muscle is not worked and strained, then it would just be weak or limp. I don’t remember it was from but in class we said, “Ease is one of the greatest disease.”

Benefits come from difficulties and Crisis. Crisis in the Chinese culture is danger but also opportunity. When we see it as an opportunity, it can help us approach it for a benefit. Stress Is necessary to strengthen the structure and even our family structures. Family stresses are difficult. They really suck and are hard on everyone. Some of the common family stressors are finances, divorce, father/mother dying, job loss, and medical problems.

We talked about how A+B+C = X. So how does this relate to stress? The A is the actual event, B is both how the family uses the resources and responds, C is cognition and X is the experience. Some resources that the family can use are talents, family members, church, and professional help. Cognition is the thoughts about the event.

In these events that we all face at someone point in our lives we can change our perception of it. It will probably not be any easier but whenever we face the next challenge we can know better how to approach and use our resources. It can expand our vision. We can see it as an opportunity to strengthen our family. We can’t let one moment define our lives. The experiences we go through can help us become something more.

I think one of the biggest things I have been through in my life was leaving my family for 18 months. I only talked to them once a week and got to skype them on Christmas and Mother’s Day. It was hard to leave them and trust that they were going to be okay. It was a growing experience for the both of us. There were a lot of heartaches with deaths in the family, medical problems and relationship problems. Just a little background about my family, we all didn’t really talk to each other much. Yet, they supported me when I went to California. Then, one day I got an email from my mom telling me of the event that occurred in my family. My father was in the ICU for one week. At first, he was acting weird and was ill, so they took them to the hospital. They didn’t know what was wrong with him, but they found out he had meningitis. Which is not good at all and could be life threatening. However, it was a huge blessing that they were able to treat him as soon as they found out. As this was going on, I had no idea. My father’s family were all there together and were still acting a little petty towards each other. But with this crisis happening my grandmother talked to my family and told them they needed to stop. She told them we are family and we need each other. I am forever grateful for her words. In that moment even though I was not there, my family came together. My dad is an incredible man. If we lost him that would’ve been devastating but my family turned to their resources. They turned to each other, turned to prayer and trust in God.

That was a huge moment in my family and now we all talk. We spend more time together and let go of the past. It took something huge to change that, but I am glad we have each other. Stress sucks and is such a pain. However, it can be used for good. Families can be strengthened through the storms.

Marital Intimacy

There are so many patterns that people can develop in their relationships. Some with their parents, siblings, friends and spouses. Thus, wouldn’t we want to establish good patterns in our lives? Well, yes!

The pattern we learned about this week was marital intimacy and the significant differences in this vital factor. As well as the stages of sexual relations, challenges of sexual intimacy that may arise and opportunities.

This topic is somewhat touchy or uncommon for parents to have with their children. However, if we slowly and honestly teach our children they can learn correct patterns. Sexual/Marital intimacy is important to healthy relationships; thus, it is a good thing to talk about. It is so easy to get caught up in what the world teaches about sex. We live in a “sexualized” world. We hear sexual content in music, see it on television, movies and can access it on our social media sites. With these fantasies, unrealistic expectations and faults people can be disappointed and discouraged.

I will go over a brief overview that is important for people to know about sex. There are four stages in both male and female. They go through the same stages but at different paces. The first stage is arousal/excitement. This involves the heart rate and blood increasing with digestion going down. Males have an erection and female’s vaginal muscles relax while lubricating. Their nerves change at different phases as well. The next stage is Plateau which is usually shorter for men and longer with women. Climax or orgasm is the third stage. The people feel these normally at different times. It is rhythmic contractions and pleasure. A woman could have multiple orgasms but varies as well. The last stage is the refractory stage. In this stage things calm down and is a recover from the sex. While this is taking place, the bodies are experiencing serotonin, dopamine and in women oxytocin.

With this experience there are some challenges. Some of these could be misunderstanding, being offended, mistrust because of previous partner, fear, confusion of each other’s body, discomfort, inferior to what they expected, unrealistic expectations, painful, selfishness and pornography.

Yet, there are also some opportunities to overcome these challenges. There can be more open communication about what the person wants and needs. It brings the couple closer and bonds them. It involves some planning and preparing to discuss this important relationship. It can bring opportunities of unselfishness in the couple’s relationship. More openness, unity and accommodation.

When we consider these challenges and opportunities of sexual relationships we can help our children. With all the filth and unrealistic ideas of sex our children can be led astray. Thus, when we establish patterns when they are young they can know that when they are married this can be an amazing experience for them. Martial intimacy is good and when help within the bounds of marriage it is fulfilling.

Growing up I didn’t ever talk about these things with my parents. Also, my peers did not know a whole lot about these things. A lot of people were participating in sexual relations and I could see the struggles that came with not knowing much. People were often hurt and felt used. Some people were left single moms and others with having to drop out. At the time it would have been helpful for them and me to know that those feelings were natural. As well as that there are ways we can control or even be safe when it comes to sex. When people are not aware of these things a lot of heartache happens. But as we take responsibility as parents and future parents we can help our families.

Adjustments

This week we talked about marriage proposal, engagement and transitions in marriage. Where I live not very many people talk about these things. Usually people cohabit and don’t really make commitments. Maybe mostly out of not knowing the benefits of marriage but that is not entirely their fault. There are some culture norms of living together and not getting married. I have only been to two weddings my whole life. I also don’t have any close friends that are engaged or married. Thus, it is so different being in an environment where dating, courting, engagement, proposal and marriage is such a thing!

Sometimes I feel like what I am used to is so different. It is a little hard at times to explain to people about what I learn because it is not normal to them. Even with my current relationship and how things are progressing. According to “Mormon” culture we should be engaged and married by December. That does work for some people and but yes not all Mormon people are like that. So, when we learned that the guy is usually committed and proposes to the girl without knowing what her answer would be, was surprising to me. I believe that it is great when the girl is fully surprised, but I also agree that the girl should sincerely consider this huge decision.

She can pray, ponder and even look at the patterns established while they were dating. Since this is a huge decision that affects her and the family it is important that she does all that she can too. A guy submitting by getting down on one knee and putting money in to a ring is a huge step for both. We also talked about how spending a lot of money on a ring is not always the best. Spending more than 2,500 on a ring has a higher risk of the marriage not working out.

Then after the initial yes comes the wedding planning. Some girls have dreamed about their weddings since they were young girls, and some like with me only recently. It is common for people to spend a lot of money on the wedding and rely on the girl’s family to pay for the wedding. Yet, we were advised that as we strive to pay for the wedding for ourselves and plan together as husband and wife the marriage will be lasting. The man and women as they plan together can start establishing the foundation of planning and not spend too much money. Also, the more the people and less money spent the stronger the marriage will be. I believe mostly because the people there at the wedding will be there for them and supportive throughout their lives. This pattern is a great foundation of supportive family/friends, managing money and planning.

When they are finally married they go on to their honeymoon and continue their lives together fully committed. There are new and huge adjustments of the first month of marriage. Some are sharing a bed, bathroom, $tre$$, living, chores, time management and adjustments with children. I would love to talk about all the adjustments, but I will focus on one.

Sharing the bed is huge adjustment. Some people like to sleep in atmospheres like Antarctica or the hot desert. Some people like to sleep in certain types of sheets or even with no blankets. It sounds so exciting to finally sleep by someone and be with them all the time. Some people refer to it as having a sleepover with their best friend. Yet, it is usually harder than what people would think. They must get used to sleeping next to someone, cuddling, not cuddling, space and getting enough rest. I am sure for some it is easier but usually it is quite the adjustment. It is different than sleeping with your sibling.

With these adjustments comes trial and error but also growth. Marriage is a huge commitment but has so many benefits that affect the people and their future family.

Dating, Courtship, Engagement and Marriage

This week’s class was very informative. I didn't learn much about dating, courtship, engagement or marriage growing up. Thus, it was so exciting to find out a lot about what these terms really mean. We live in a "non-dating culture." Most people hang out and are less committed. So, what really is a date? What is hanging out? Well first dating is paid, planned for and paired off. It starts off with someone asking another person on a date. It includes the person who did the asking providing and planning. When a person is picked up for a date either by vehicle or other transportation, it shows respect, genuine interest and safety. These dates involve fun and getting to know the person. Set expectations and talk to your date. Be real with them and see them in different settings. However, dating is NOT courtship.

Hanging out usually includes no effort, no risk, and no responsibility. These hang outs usually involved what people call today "NCMO's" or non-committed make outs.

Okay now to clarify courtship. This step is often skipped in today's norms. It is becoming exclusive and involves defining the relationship. The level of non-sexual intimacy is higher, and the relationship is clear. The advice I have learned in this phase is "don't date someone exclusively if you’re not going to marry them." The intention here is to build a family together.

Engagement is the full commitment. It is a set date or marriage and planning. Not fully focusing on the planning of the wedding but establishing patterns of what the marriage will be like. It does start in the dating phase, but it continues and develops during the engagement. This could involve the couple’s goals, visions and plans.

Finally, what is marriage? It is being lawfully or formally recognized as a union of two people as partners. I’ll explain more on this topic in the coming weeks.

With my limited dating experience, I felt that these clarifications could help so many people in their relationships. Now that I understand more of these terms I know I can approach this important part of life differently. Also, I am not going to lie. I am fiercely independent and feel like "I don't need a guy to take care of me." HOWEVER, that has changed as I have realized that I can be a strong independent woman and still allow a man to cherish and serve me. They aren't always trying to demean, they want to provide.

It is so fun to talk about what people find attractive or what their preferences are. For me, I felt attracted to punk rock looking guys like the guys from 5 Seconds of Summer, but I also love down to earth boys who listen. I mean it is nice to look at these cute guys, but I've realized that my potential spouse needs much more than looks.

Which goes into the filters that most people have. The first one being Physical attractiveness. We make assumptions based on appearance. Yet, the more we get to know the person the level of attraction goes up or down. Maybe they are beautiful, but they have a nasty attitude. The more we have in common, the more we can relate. Relating is good for connections. I believe too that our differences can bring us closer as well. Maybe the person you are with has a strength that can help you. This relationship is so vital because it affects our future families.

We create the relationships we are in. They take effort, energy, submissiveness, trial and error. It's about becoming more with someone.

Love is often misunderstood and is defined in various ways. My favorite definition so far is from M. Scott Peck, "The will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another's spiritual growth." (The Road Less Traveled, 1978, p. 81)

Gender Roles and Theories of homosexuality

This week we touched on topics that have had a lot of attention recently. We discussed gender roles and some theories of homosexuality. Before class we studied these topics to get some ideas of what to talk about. We started off with the question of What makes someone Female or Male? Our class came up with some answers of biological factors, sex-typical tendencies and society views. There are biological differences between men and women. Men have more grey matter and women have more white matter. It is common for girls to play house, dolls, with make up and are usually more social. Boys often play more aggressive , with guns, action figures and are competitive. Once in a while a girl will be a "Tom boy" or "One of the guys" as she is playing with them. As well as for a boy who will play house and spend time with the girls. Sometimes people will bully either the boy or girl who is playing with the opposite sex. However, it is a little more acceptable for a tom boy than a boy playing with the girls. Thus, it shows how are society really recognizes the activity and playmate preferences.

In my home although there were not very specific gender roles my parents were examples of what traditional parents do. My mom and dad both worked full time. My mom still did the nurturing , cooking , cleaning and raising of us a majority of the time. My dad was the breadwinner and protector of us. They were open with us and let us do whatever made us happy. Growing up and joining The Church of Jesus Christ when I was 13 really helped me see my role as a woman. It is kind of sad how society thinks that Christianity demeans women and just sees them as house wife. In this church, women have very important roles. We are leaders side by side with our husbands. We raise children but also help in communities. Families are the basic unit of society and that is where change really happens. So being a wife and mother is a huge responsibility. It affects our future generation and even the people around us.

The second topic we went over was something I had little knowledge about. I never really understood what "gay" and "homosexual" meant. Gay is identifying as liking someone of the same gender, usually men. Homosexual is liking someone of the same gender involving sexual relations. I honestly never thought about what really went in to someone being gay. I always thought well it feels natural for me to like men so maybe it's the same for them. When we studied this topic it opened my mind as people have observed this. Some theories include Psychoanalytic theories, social learning theories and interactional theories. The first one is Psychoanalytic theory. Which is the person identifying as gay may have had difficult family relationships , detached disconnect with their father or an over involved mother. Social learning theory is influence of peers and media. As well as high chance of sexual abuse. The Interactional is involvement with peers. With these theories something that I have gathered is that sexual attractions may not be chosen, but responses to those attractions do involve a choice.

With all of these things said I know that God loves all of us. Also, we are all human and deserve to be treated with kindness regardless of our circumstances. Some people make choices that may not align with what God has taught but we should still be kind and considerate.  We can still be firm in our beliefs and love as the Savior did.

Culture

When I first heard of the word "culture" I immediately thought about the culture of where I grew up. However, that is not really what we talked about this week. We talked about our own family cultures. Whether it was our religious values and practices, the culture of our grandparents and the community which our families currently live.

Culture can comprise of attitudes and behavior of a social group. I definitely noticed the culture in my own home a lot more when I moved out of my home and went to college. I also saw it as I moved to California and was surrounded by more people of diverse backgrounds. I saw things that I like and things that I wanted to avoid.

Two aspects of my culture that I would like to carry with me to my future family are : acceptance and perseverance. My family is pretty diverse and we are very open to a lot of people and circumstances. We have a natural attitude to let people in to our lives. I enjoy that about my family because I can see how that makes me love and see people for who they are or could be. Perseverance is huge in my family. We experience heartache and tragedy a lot like most families. However, because of our knowledge of Christ and our love for each other we get through the darkest times together. Even for the people in our family who have struggles with faith we lift them and help them. My maternal grandmother is one of the strongest people I know. As she tells us her experiences of loss, heartache and joy I learn so much resilience from her. Of course we all have something we want to improve in our family culture and mine is communication. For the most part we do well. Yet, I know maybe sometimes we can be passive and that creates tension. A good way to work on communication is increasing love and honesty. Because when people feel your love they want to change. Maybe not right away but real love can help. Something I am doing personally is reaching out and working on my current relationships. I know I can do my part and start the pattern now that could continue on. It is true we can be influence easily but being an influence is more difficult. But it is not impossible!

Tradition is an intergenerational pattern that comes from generation to generation. A tradition that I know is good in my family is that family is important. We all can get caught up in our own lives but at the end of the day we know we can have a family to come home to.  We have a family that we can grow and learn with. I feel my parents emphasizing to me the importance and I want that with my future family. I want them to know they have someone or even a lot of people standing by them.

As we notice the cultures in our families it can help us strengthen our relationships in our families. Also when we hear or get to know other people's culture it helps us to see them and understand them better. I love hearing about people's culture. It shows how diversity can be so amazing.

Symbols

There are theories that help us understand family phenomena. Theories are attempts to explain a phenomenon. Phenomenon’s are situations that are happening. Families can be similar but they are all unique. People live in all different circumstance and things are different than they used to be several decades ago. Thus, these theories help us to relate and even help make sense of why things function the way they do.

We studied four different family theories this week in class. I enjoyed the Symbolic Interaction theory. “It views humans primarily as cognitive creatures who are influenced and shaped by their interaction experiences. “(Lauer&Handel 1983) The way I see it is as actions and interactions symbolizing something more. We do things on a regular basis that are symbolic to how we feel or want. It could be to our roommates, friends, classmates, significant others and family. It could be words, gestures and more. Sometimes we may recognize what we are doing and other times they are so norm to us we don't see it.

In the Navajo culture we like to make jokes a lot and be sarcastic. To some people it may seem harsh or rude. However, to most of us we see it as being close. If you can tease someone without any harsh feelings then there is no barrier. We don’t do it to tear people down at all. It is like an icebreaker to ask funny questions. I remember growing up and going to family gatherings where my aunts and uncles would ask where my boyfriend was. It didn’t matter if I was 10 o 16. They would tease me. I enjoyed it because we never had that awkward hey how are you doing conversations.

Another interaction that I noticed was whenever my parents would be speaking the Navajo language underneath their breaths or in a different room. You knew it was secretive or important if they were speaking Navajo. I can understand some of it but sometimes they would be speaking it fast and I couldn’t interpret. So, whenever they would speak Navajo in a different room my sister and I knew something was up.

We all experience different symbols in our lives. We could have miscommunications when someone does something we interpret differently. I remember when I first started dating this boy, I would be quiet in the car. I don’t really say much while I’m listening to music and pondering. Then one day we were talking and he asked if I was mad at him because I was quiet in the car. I laughed because I was not mad at all. I mean sometimes I am passive but at that time I was totally fine. He said he got nervous and anxious because his mom is quiet when she is mad. So, when I was quiet he thought I was mad but I wasn’t. It was an interesting experience for the both of us.

Another quick experience was when I was in California and a sister missionary from the Philippines kept winking at the guys. She got in trouble because our mission president was told she was flirting with the guys. Then one day she winked at me and I said, “stop flirting with me.” The look on her face was so funny. She was so confused and asked, “is winking considered flirting?” I said, “to some people.” Then she was laughing and said “That is probably why I got in trouble because I’m always winking at the guys. In the Philippines it’s not flirty.”

Those are just a few examples but it shows how our interactions symbolize the way we feel or where we stand. I have learned that it is different for everyone. It is bad to assume things because that could strain the relationship. Be open and honest! If someone does something you don’t understand just ask. It brings people closer when there is openness and connections.

Classmates Blogs

Student Name	Blog URL
Courtney Scott	courtneyscottfamilyrelations.wordpress.com
Jeffrey Meldrum’s Blog	http://jeffreymeldrum.weebly.com/
Kandace Evans	http://fathersbegoodtoyourdaughters.weebly.com/
Ellie Smith	https://ellierenesmith.wixsite.com/adventures
Destiny Mills	destinymeniah.blogspot.com
Sophie Draper	http://weallneedthefam.blogspot.com/
Ivana Borba	https://familyrelationsbyivana.blogspot.com/
LiMing Colkett	https://familyrelationsforever.blogspot.com/
Parker Ogden	http://parkerogden.blogspot.com/
Casslyn Fisher	https://casslynfisherfam.blogspot.com/
Rebekah Dunn	RebekahsRants.weebly.com
Erica Schumacher	https://iamericaschumacher.blogspot.com/
Elizabeth Smith	https://lovelizs.blogspot.com/
Lindsey Johnson	https://lindseyfamilyrelations.wordpress.com
Ashlyn Taylor	https://timeoutwithtaylor.blogspot.com/
Toni Jo Despain	https://tonijodespain.blogspot.com/
Zach Clark	familyrelationszc.blogspot.com
Sydnie Stoddard	http://thatopheliagirl.weebly.com/
Eliah Gibson	https://eliahgib.blogspot.com/
Mariah Prado	https://insidescooponthefamily.blogspot.com/
Kirie Steinagel	https://kirielenae.blogspot.com/
Rebecca Field	https://fieldrebecca.blogspot.com/
Alayna Hudson	https://hudsonalayna.wixsite.com/mysite
Ashley Clawson	https://ashleyclawson77.blogspot.com
Derek Russell	https://1derek0russell1.wixsite.com/website
Kennedy Blaser	https://lifeintheeyesofdee.blogspot.com/
Latricia Pinto	https://familyrelationslatriciap.blogspot.com/
TaLee Rose	familyrelationclass.blogspot.com
Brittnee Tidwell	https://brittneet.blogspot.com
Sierra Johnson	https://thankfulgreatfulblog.wordpress.com/
Madison Blaylock	https://familyrelationsmadblay.blogspot.com/
Alicia Gomez	https://aliciagomezfamilyrelationsblog.wordpress.com/
Emily Shumway	https://emilysfamilyrelations.blogspot.com/
Sarah Cutler	https://sarahcutlerfamilyrelations.blogspot.com/
Deseret Crandall	https://deseretc.blogspot.com/
Leah Jonas	https://leahsfamilyrelations.wordpress.com/
Jessica Welling	https://jessicawellingfamilyrelations.blogspot.com/
Lauren Boyd	https://byuifamilyrelations160.wordpress.com
Briannah Ramirez	https://newlyywedadvice.blogspot.com/
Rhyan Cronin	https://rhyansbyuifamilyrelationsclass.wordpress.com
Anna McKinley	https://byuifamilyrelations.wordpress.com/
Ashley Hirata	https://byuidahofamilyclass.blogspot.com/
Kate Fluckiger	katesfamilyrelations.wordpress.com
Mariah Carter	http://faml160mariah.blogspot.com/2017/09/introducing-me.html